Where there's smoke there's fire (maybe)

Then again he came back! I was fixing some pipes
when that old nuisance Lorax came back with more gripes."

The Lorax, Dr Seuss

I was sitting at home one Saturday morning when my wife came back from the supermarket in the car.

"Ben, there's lots of smoke coming out of the engine" she said.
"Shit! the car must be on Fire". I rushed outside. White smoke was billowing from under the front bonnet. First things first, make sure the car is empty, baby seats, everything. My heart was pounding.

I stood there looking at the car. "What do I do now?" I thought, "phone the fire brigade ?".

After a few minutes the smoke did not seem to be getting any worse so I thought I would risk it and open the bonnet just a little.

On opening the bonnet I saw lots more white smoke but no sign of flames. This was reassuring. A few moments earlier I had thought my car was toast, literally and metaphorically.

The smoke gradually cleared and revealed a small hole in a pipe 15mm in diameter running from the radiator to the engine. It was connected to two rubber hoses and bolted to body of the car. Have you ever seen one of those old films from the 40s and 50s where the car breaks down and the driver races to open the radiator cap and he's burning his hand and there's steam everywhere. Well, that's basically what had happened only through the hole in the pipe.

I had paid out a fair amount of money in repair bills in the previous few months and was feeling pretty impoverished. The last thing I needed was another big bill.

Try to bear in mind that I had never really had any interest in fixing cars. Computers were my thing. However, looking at this pipe I thought "I wonder if I can get a replacement pipe and fit it myself, it does not look too difficult. I can always take it to the garage if I fail".

There was a Renault dealer about one mile from where I lived. I undid the jubilee clips and the bolt securing the pipe to the body of the car and took it with me to the dealer.

It's a bit intimidating the first time you enter a spare parts department. I was expecting all kinds of hostility and questioning about whether I was a trade buyer. However, everything was a breeze. "Have you got one of these ?" I said, and showed him the broken pipe. He looked it up on his computer system. "I'll be back in a second" he said, and went off to the warehouse. Two minutes later he reappeared with an identical new pipe in a sealed plastic bad. That will be £15 he said. I remember leaving the dealer feeling euphoric. "Wow, that was easy, I thought".

When I got home I fitted the pipe very carefully. One of the clips securing the pipe to the rubber hoses had broken so I replaced it with a new jubilee clip. "That wasn't very hard" I thought. Now for the moment of truth. I started the engine.

The car purred into life, all the usual sounds but no sign whatsoever of smoke. I felt exhilarated. I must have saved at least £200 I though.

Its funny. Looking back and knowing what I know now I would have probably just taped up the pipe. It still felt great at the time though.